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Two elderly women were out driving in a large car, both women barely large enough to see over the dashboard. As they cruised along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went right on through.The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, “I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light.” After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection, the light was red, and again they went right through.This time, the passenger was almost sure that the light had been red, but was also concerned that she might be seeing things. She was getting nervous, and decided to pay very close attention.At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red, and they went right through it. She turned to the other woman and said, “Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us!”Mildred turned to her and said, “Oh my goodness! Am I driving?”

George: Sam u wanna hear a jokeSam: sureGeorge: Womens Rights

A woman and her friend are sitting together having lunch after one of the women’s husband’s funeral service. The friend asks the woman if her husband had any life insurance, and the widow answered her. “Well, he had $10,000 in life insurance, but it is all gone.” “All gone?”, the friend asks, shocked. “Yes”, said the widow.”I don’t understand”, says the friend. “How did you already go through $10,000?”"Well, it is really not as bad as you think.” says the widow.”I had to pay $5500 for his funeral and burial, $500 was donated to the church for the service, $1000 was what I spent on his suit, and $3000 was for the memorial stone.”Puzzled, the friend looks at the widow and says “That must have been a huge stone for $3000!”The widow answers: “Yeah, it was 3 carats!”

Element Name: WOMANSymbol: WOAtomic Weight: (don’t even go there!)Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not used well.Chemical properties: Very active. Often unstable. Possesses strong affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a better specimen.Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman? Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine, will never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men? So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman’s about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with “A man one told me ….”

I haven’t spoken to my wife for 18 months, I don’t like to interrupt her.

8. What do you mean today’s our anniversary? 7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I’d rather just watch TV.6. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big! 5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I’m tired of being ‘just friends’ 4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small? 3. Aww, don’t stop for directions, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out how to get there. 2. I don’t care if it’s on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress.1. Hey, pull my finger!

What do you do if your dishwasher breaks down? Kick her in the butt!